Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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