I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
