My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
