:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
