if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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