i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
