last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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