Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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