I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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