the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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