how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
