worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
