I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did i walk over a car last night?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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