Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
