I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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