that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
