i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
