Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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