he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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