haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
