the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
