Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just cropdusted the office
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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