Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
