Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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