I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my being single is dangerous.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
