"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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