So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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