if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
