just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
