Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
