I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
