Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
