Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
