Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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