I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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