im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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