you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
