That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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