They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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