omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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