4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
please come you make the beer taste better
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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