Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
