How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
