your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My penis needs a shock collar
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
