just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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