I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
