So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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