I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
