$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
