I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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