You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
