Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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